Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
