im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I think your dad took our porno
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
