Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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