im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
