My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
vagina is talking i cant
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
