I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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