Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
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YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
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Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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