Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
