I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
