You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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