I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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