just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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