If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
