Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
