Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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