Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
