i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
