I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
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You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
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Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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