Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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