there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Couch. On fire.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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