ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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