I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
