No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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