man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
