I want to stick my p in your. b.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
