I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Randomize
