the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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