You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
he's gonorrhea incarnate
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
