i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
