It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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