I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
