She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
