Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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