and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
