I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
