come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
