I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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