I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
