If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
