Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize