Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
