apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
