some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
