Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
