She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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