I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
