last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
