I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
