i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
