So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
