how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
