Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
