I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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