dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
