so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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