i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
