she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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