i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
