I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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