you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
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I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
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That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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