garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
