I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
