well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
