im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
