I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I feel like a drive thru vagina
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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