Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
