It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
