Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I need water and some morals
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
