also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You need a sexual gate keeper
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
