When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I smell like Dick and happiness
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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