Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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