I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
