i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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