ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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