we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
