i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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