My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
